Look for the Helpers

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers — so many caring people in this world.”

Mr. Rogers

I confess: I did not watch the Oscars. I never do. Oh, I might check the gowns the next day in passing, but award shows interest me not at all.

So I did not see The Slap Heard Round The Internet between the two men on stage.

What I found far more meaningful, in looking at the posts today, was the generosity of that great soul Lady Gaga with Liza Minnelli.

Now, Liza I’ve always loved. I can’t say how many times I’ve seen Cabaret. And yes, her life has been as insane as her mother’s was in that glittery 70s and 80s sort of way, but there is no denying her talent, or her resilience.

But at 76, time and life and Karma have clearly taken their toll. Liza’s in a wheelchair, her mental capacities are failing, and that fierce, live wire is barely sparking.

But last night, she got a standing ovation, and felt it. The reason she could was Lady Gaga.

Gaga wheeled her onstage, when they were both going to give the best picture Oscar. Gaga encouraged her (“Do you see that? The public, they love you”) as the audience cheered. When Liza got confused regarding the cards and what she was supposed to do, Gaga murmured “I got you.” And Liza replied, “I know.”

Most of the time, we remember the bad stuff. The stuff worthy of gossip, the nasties that were done to us, because this world loves victim stories, gives them attention over a normal existence, and in a time when so many of us feel so helpless about so much, anger seems like it’s the only emotion left.

Gaga reminds us that there is still kindness without cost; consideration from the heart, not the head or the pocket or the amount of PR it will generate.

As you scan the news, ask yourself: what do I pay attention to? Do you look for the scandals, the “if it bleeds, it leads” storylines? Do you dismiss the small kindnesses, the infinitesimal “moving forwards” in the world?

Change that. Otherwise, you are giving the Slap more energy to affect us than the sweetness, the anger more life than the altruism.

And if we’re going to survive, we have to be less like the salacious gossip-mongers and more like Mr. Rogers and his mother.

Look for the helpers. Honor their benevolence.

And be one yourself.